Mended Regrets
by Mrs. SRE Snape
Summary: Severus is given an chance to go back to his first year of Hogwarts and mend his deepest regrets, not just with Lily but so many others as well. Eventually SS/LE pairing, but not for a while, they are far to young at this point.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any aspect of the HP Universe. **

**Summary: Severus is given a chance to go back to his first year at Hogwarts and mend his regrets. There will be a SS/LE pairing but until much further into the story. I plan to go through all 7 years, probably 2 chapters a year and then a couple of years after Hogwarts. It will probably be ****around**** 18-20 chapters in total.**

_Chapter One_

_Regrets_

Everyone has regrets, some more then others, but no one gets to go back and fix them. You can't change the past only learn from it, that's just the way it is; but what if you could? What if you really could go back and mend the worst mistakes you ever made? Would you do it? Most would probably say yes, but that's because they know they never really could. It's easy to say you want to change the past, but actually changing it, that's another matter altogether.

For one Severus Snape however he was given a chance, a chance few are ever allowed. When he died that day in a cold, rickety old shack, he didn't die in vain. He died for a purpose, for a cause, for love and because of his sacrifices and despite his mistakes he was given that chance, a chance to undo his regrets and to change not only his life for the better but so many others.

XXX

He stood at the precipice of his future, not just his future, but hundreds of others as well. He still didn't not fully understand why he had been given this opportunity, but he planned to take full advantage of it. Still, he had to be careful, he couldn't let on what he knew of the future, but he couldn't ignore it either.

"You should get going."

Severus looked up at his mother, her sad eyes trying so hard not to seem that way. She was happy that her son was going off to Hogwarts, but she would miss him more than he could ever understand.

"You should think about visiting Aunt Maybel." He suggested. He had been trying to get her away from Tobias for months now, but she refused. She would stay with him until she died, he knew she would and it killed him a little inside just to think of it.

"We'll see. Now you get going. I'm sure Lily is already waiting for you."

He smiled at the mention of his best friend and with a final nod to his mother, he boarded the train.

He found her toward the back, not sitting with Potter or Black as they originally had but with an older girl in Ravenclaw robes. He recognized her almost instantly as Charlotte Devonson. He watched the muggleborn die at the hands of the Dark Lord… in less than a decade the sweet, book loving girl would cease to exist, that was unless he was able to stop it. He prayed he was.

"Severus, there you are."

Lily smiled up and her best friend, taking his hand she lead him into the compartment. "This is Charlotte," She introduced them, "She's a third year."

"It's nice to meet you." He said politely.

"You too, Severus. You'll love Hogwarts." She told them with a grin so wide it nearly split her face in two. "It the most amazing place ever."

"Yes, that's what my mum says too?" He replied, sitting down on the bench beside Lily.

No one else joined them in their compartment for the trip, which he found himself quite thankful for. The two girls chatted most of the way, Severus would add in something here and there but overall remained quiet. When the snack trolley came around Lily offered to buy him a snack. Whenever she had offered to buy him things in the past he had always refused, he didn't like taking charity, but this time he let her. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she purchased enough sweets to feed the Weasley's for a fortnight.

He had also, a few weeks prior, let Lily's mum cut his hair. He didn't want his hair cut, he always preferred it long, but she asked him so nicely and the anticipation in her emerald eyes was just to damn hard to resist. She had also given him a new black and grey jumper and insisted it wasn't charity because her mum had gotten it at a 2 for 1 sale.

He didn't see himself saying no to her any time soon.

When they reached Hogsmead station they said goodbye to Charlotte and headed to the boats. Living at the castle for as long as he had it was easy to overlook the true beauty of where they were. The cool, black waters gently rocked the boats filled with excited eleven-year-olds, their young eyes gazing upon the magnificence of the ancient castle for the first time. It truly was a breathtaking scene.

"It's beautiful," He heard Lily whisper and she was right, it was.

XXX

He had watched as Lily was sorted into Gryffindor, he really didn't expect otherwise. He wanted to be with her, but even if the sorting hat agreed to place him there he didn't know if he could handle rooming with the Marauders. His hope was for Ravenclaw but he would just have to wait and see. Even if by chance he had to go to Slytherin again he refused to go down the path he did before. Those wankers could call him a filthy half-blood all day long, it wasn't worth the pain to care what they thought.

When his name was called he took a deep, calming breath and approached the stool. He blocked his mind to make sure the hat could not see his past, sat down on the rickety the-legged stool and waited…

"_Hum...clever, brave...loyalty to a fault, at least for some. Eagerness for knowledge and a passion for potions...yet...hum, Mr. Snape you are a complex one."_

"I would prefer Ravenclaw." He stated simply. No explanations, just a request.

"_Yes, I see you would. Very well Severus, good luck in...RAVENCLAW!"_

He gave his best friend a small wave as he passed by the Gryffindor table and she did the same.

XXX

Severus was bored, though that was to be expected. He had earned more points for Ravenclaw in the first few weeks of school then his entire 7 years in Slytherin. His fellow Ravenclaw's were over the moon with the fact and in a house where knowledge is prized above anything else, Severus quickly became popular among his housemates.

One unusually warm October afternoon, Severus and Lily were in the library working on an essay for Charms. It wasn't difficult, it just took him a little time to format his thoughts and jot it all down. They had been sitting next to each other in near silence, each working on their own essay when a voice that he had been lucky enough to avoid up to that point called out, "Hey, Evans."

Severus forced down a growl as he looked up to see James Potter approach them, Sirius Black in tow.

"Yes, Potter." She said in a rather bored tone. Her eyes rolled as the bespectacled Gryffindor gave her a sloppy grin and sat down on the edge of the desk they were working at.

"It's a beautiful day outside why waste it stuck in the library doing homework?"

"Because I want to pass my classes." She replied straightforwardly.

"Come on, take a break. The Slytherin team is practicing, we were going to watch them make asses out of themselves."

Severus took a deep, calm breath. He wasn't going to say anything. It wasn't worth it. He did want or need enemies this time around.

"Severus and I are working on Charms, plus we have plans after." She replied though really they didn't she just wanted them to leave.

"Like, a date?" Sirius Black chimed in, wiggling his eyebrows.

"No you twit," Lily huffed.

"We promised Professor Sprout we would help her fertilize her plants in Greenhouse 3. She's giving us 5 points each for helping." Severus replied. It was a lie of course but he was hoping if they were under the assumption Lily would be earning points for their house it would be enough for them to slag off.

It wasn't.

"Wait," Sirius began his eyes narrowed in concentration as he stared down at the young Ravenclaw. "Your that kid everyone keeps talking about. Yeah, they say your some kind of genius, right?"

Severus cleared his throat and answered, "I just listen and learn and put a lot of effort into my school work, that's all."

He noted Potter didn't really seem to care and at this point was picking out dirt from under his fingernails. But Black kept staring at him and it was making him nervous.

"Snape isn't a wizarding name." Black said…"but you can't possibly be muggle-born."

"And why is that?" Severus asked, crossing his arms firmly over his chest, his left eyebrow raised in a curious manner as he waited for what he had no doubt would be a very stupid explanation on Black's part.

"You don't carry yourself like one to start...you have to at least be-half." He stated firmly.

"What does it matter?"

Severus would admit he was quite surprised when that came from Potters' mouth. Not that he thought the Gryffindor a blood-purist in any way, quite the opposite in fact, but he figured he would have sided with his friend. Then again, they hadn't known each other very long at this point.

"It doesn't." Sirius said with a shrug, "just wondering that's all."

Potter shook his head and grabbed his friend by the arm. "Come on, Sirius... let's go, like Lily said, they're busy with school work."

"That was...odd." Lily said as the two Gryffindor boys walked off. She noticed Sirius leaned in whispering something to Potter who shook his head in return.

"Are all Gryffindors like that?" Severus asked his friend, teasingly.

Lily laughed and shook her head, "No, those weirdos. So...do you really want to go help Professor Sprout after we're done here?" She asked with a cheeky grin.

Her friend gave a small laugh and shook his head. "Sorry I lied, I just wanted them to leave."

"It's okay Sev, I wanted them to leave too." She giggled. "How about when we're done here we can go for a walk around the greenhouse then we aren't really lying about where we went."

"Good thinking, very cunning Lily."

"Thanks."

They did go walk around the greenhouse when they finished their essays. Severus showed Lily a neat little charm he told her his mum taught him. It acted like a metal detector. They found two shekels and a muggle pence as well as a charm bracelet. Unfortunately, it was so corroded from being in the dirt for such a long period of time it was difficult to even tell what type of metal it was made of. "I'll see if I can clean it up a bit later on," Severus said placing it in his robe pocket.

They walked and searched for treasures until dinner time where they went and ate at their separate house tables.

XXX

Christmas holidays came and of course Lily went home, Severus did not. His mum had written to him telling him it would be best if he stayed at the castle, so he did. In his previous life, he only remembered ever going home for the holidays once and that was when he found out his mum was sick. He had given Lily her Christmas present, and she promised to mail his.

There were only two students staying that year, a record low as far as Severus could remember. Usually, there were at least four or five. The other student was 7th-year Hufflepuff. Severus couldn't recall him specifically but knew his name was Aaron Michael's as it was written on the list of students who had signed up to stay. Whether there was one student or fifty, Christmas at Hogwarts was always magnificent. There were a dozen large decorated trees and snow falling from the ceiling in the Great Hall, mistletoe and holly, hung throughout the castle and even the suits of armor were enchanted to sing carols.

Then there was the food, roast turkey, potatoes, peas, gravy, cranberry sauce, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding, mince pies, Christmas crackers, and so much more. If you couldn't be at home with your family, Hogwarts at Christmas was just as good, to Severus it was far better. At least here he knew he would eat well.

During the two weeks that followed Severus spent a lot of time thinking and mentally planning what he was going to do about the Dark Lord. He knew at some point he would have to tell Albus, not the truth mind you, but as close as he could get to it without revealing he was reliving his life. He was still trying to figure out the details. He didn't think he wanted to go straight to him, that wouldn't have been normal behavior for a kid his age. It was probably wiser to use a middleman of sorts, someone he knew Dumbledore trusted. He also wanted to tell Lily, but not just yet. Severus had received a lovely gift from her, a book on rare and powerful potions ingredients. It was a book he had in his past collections and had found it helpful on many occasions. The odd thing was, it was not what she had given him for Christmas in his previous life. She had previously purchased him a quill and parchment set.

He had managed to clean up the charm bracelet they had found, which turned out to be made of 14 karat gold and gave that to her as a gift. He also made an additional charm to add to the three already on it. He made it from a piece of spare marble Hagrid had been kind enough to give him. He carved it in the shape of a lion to celebrate her sorting. It wasn't difficult to make, you just had to know the right spells. He then charmed it with the correct coloring and placed an animation charm on it so every hour it roars. It was simple magic but wondrous.

He hoped she liked it.

It was a few days before the new semester was to start, Severus was sitting at his house table eating lunch when Professor Flitwick, who had only just returned that morning, sat down beside him.

"Good afternoon Mr. Snape."

"Hello, Professor." He gave his tiny teacher a kind smile. He had always liked Filius, people tended to underestimate his worth because of his size and half-goblin heritage, but he was an amazing person not to mention one of the best duelers he had ever come across.

"How was your holiday at the castle?" He asked.

"It was good. I enjoyed the free time and the quiet. How was yours?" Severus replied.

"It was fine. We had an unexpected visit from my mother-in-law," He sighed, "She is 103 and, well demanding to say the least." Severus couldn't hold back a small smirk, he recalled the stories his colleague had told about his wife's mother in the past. The woman was a handful that's for sure. "Anyway, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Is everything OK?" He asked. He couldn't imagine that it wouldn't be as aside from his amazing school marks he had stayed pretty low key. There hadn't been any issues with Potter or his group of friends or even any of his former housemates.

"Oh yes, I was wondering how you felt about your classes?"

"My classes, fine sir. No problems."

"What I meant was, all of your teachers are raving about you. Your work is flawless, especially the practical. Did you have any private tutoring before you started Hogwarts?"

Severus didn't like where this was going. He was trying to stay under the radar he didn't want to draw the attention to his abilities to either side of the conflict. Being a good student is one thing, people thinking he was some kind of prodigy was another.

"Well, my mum would tell me about spells and potions, we talked a lot about magic growing up, but I didn't have a wand so I couldn't practice. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I believe that shows in my work." He replied trying to downplay any special abilities his teacher thought he may possess.

"It certainly does. Have you ever considered joining any of the extracurricular activities we offer?" He asked. "Perhaps something that will give you a bit of a challenge. The chess team perhaps. I know your mother was very talented at Gobstones."

Severus sighed and shook his head, "No sir. Chess is okay, and I play, but I'm really not interested in joining a club, and I never really cared for Gobstones the way my mother does."

"What about choir?" He asked, hopeful.

Severus laughed and shook his head, "You don't want to hear me sing, Professor. You would think I was a mermaid out of water."

Filius chuckled, "Okay...you know, I don't offer this to most but, while we, unfortunately, don't have a band or orchestra, I do offer individual lessons on occasion."

This was news to Severus, he had never heard of him offering music lessons outside of choir, to anyone.

"You do?"

"Yes, I play several instruments, and if you're interested I would be happy to teach you."

The idea was intriguing, he always wanted to learn to play the piano, truth be told. There was a problem, however…"Sir, I appreciate the offer but I don't have money for lessons."

The Charms Professor waved off his concern, "The amount of points you earn our house on a daily basis more then makes up for the cost."

Severus supposed he did have a point. He had earned Ravenclaw well over 400 points since the start of term and they were over three hundred ahead of Slytherin who was in second place.

"So what do you say? I can teach you the violin, piano, most brass instruments."

"I would love to learn the piano if that's not too much trouble," Severus replied.

"Not at all, not at all. Meet me in the choir room at 2 tomorrow and we will get started."

"I will be there, and thank you, sir."

"You're more than welcome."

In truth, he was actually looking forward to learning something new. He wondered if his mum would be proud of him?

XXX

Lily had been in utter awe of the gift Severus had given her. She hardly recognized it from the rusted mess they found that day in the dirt near the greenhouses. Petunia had teased her and said a boy only gives you a gift like that when they fancy you which had caused Lily to blush uncontrollably. Her sister had then said that he probably stole it which upset Lily enough to call her sister a jealous cow. They had both gotten in trouble for their behavior, though her mum had commented that Severus must have put a lot of time and effort into her gift, which in a way says more than the gift itself.

Severus was pleased to know Lily appreciated her gift. So much so she called it, "The best gift I have ever gotten by far."

"I just wish I had gotten you something better," She admitted, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"Please don't think that," Severus told her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, "The book is very much appreciated, and I am sure I will get a lot of use out of it."

Lily smiled, happy he did like her gift, still she would certainly have to do one better for him next year.

"So what did you do in the nearly empty castle for the past two weeks?" She asked Severus as they made their way to Charms class.

"Oh, I got a little ahead in my reading, I also started learning how to play the piano."

Lily gasped, surprised but excited for her best friend. "That wonderful. Are you teaching yourself?"

"No," He replied shaking his head, "Professor Flitwick offered. He said I needed something to challenge me."

"That was very nice of him. How are you liking it so far?"

"It's enjoyable." He replied simply.

Reaching their class their conversation died and turned to the subject at hand. Lily had always had a knack for Charms, of course she was only now just discovering this, but in just a few years she would be well above her classmates in the subject.

XXX

It wasn't as if he had never had a nightmare before, he was quite used to them in fact, it was however the first one he had since reliving his past. It was the night the Dark Lord had branded him with the mark and in so enslaving him to his service. At the time he had been so proud to be his follower, now the very thought made him want to vomit. Heading into the boys loo he splashed some cold water to rinse the sweat off his face. He started at his pale reflection in the mirror. He was so young, his body un-scarred by the traumas of his future yet his mind, his soul will never be free from the pain, the scars of his sins and the decades of regrets.

He knew he needed to tell someone soon, he needed to get what he knew of the future to the right people so they could do something about it. Personally, he would defend himself and Lily if need be but he already lived through the thick of two wars, dying in one of them, he had no plans to repeat any of it. He had thought Professor Flitwick was his best bet. Severus was in his house and had gotten to know him a bit outside of class due to teaching him piano, he was almost positive if he told Filius he was having dream-visions he would suggest they go to Albus. Yes, it would be best to let him lead the way and let everyone else involved believe he was just a scared young lad that was blessed or burdened, depending on how you look at it, with the gift of Sight.

Yes, he would talk to Filius first, after his piano lesson on Saturday.

XXX

It was a Wednesday evening and Severus had Astronomy. He wouldn't say he was an expert at the subject but he did enjoy the class. The crisp night air filled his body with a renewed sense of vigor as his dark eyes gazed up at the night sky. The bright stars littered the dark sky, the new moon illuminated the world below.

"It's a beautiful view," Lily said walking up beside her best friend, "I just wish the class wasn't so late." She added with a long, deep yawn.

"I think we'll probably get used to being up this late, eventually." He replied, though in truth he was always up this late. He rarely fell asleep before one or two in the morning. His body simply wouldn't let him. Years of living a double life allow little time for rest.

Lily looked over at her housemates, all grouped together huddled over the same telescope. She still didn't understand why it was so hard for people to mingle outside of their houses. Most Gryffindors didn't seem to trust Slytherin, Potter would often go on about how the families of most Slytherins are full of dark wizards. She knew the house is for the 'pure of blood' but it was also for the clever and ambitious. Sev's mum was in Slytherin and she married a muggle. Mind you he isn't a very nice muggle. Still…

"Alright, class!" All eyes, well most of them anyway, turned to Professor Sinistra as she called the class to order. "Last week we talked about five major constellations you can see this time of year. I want you to partner up and between the two of you find all five. Then discuss with your partner the names of the stars that make up the constellations. I will be roaming around to make sure you are working and not just gabbing so no slacking!"

Lily took the telescope first turning it left and then right. "Oh, I think I see Orion's Belt!"

"If you follow it to the right," Severus added in, "You'll come to a V-shape of stars, that'd Taurus' head."

"Very good Mr. Snape! 10 points to Ravenclaw."

Severus spun to see their Professor standing right behind him. It was very difficult for people to sneak up on a spy so the fact that she was able to get that close to him without realizing, he had to give her some major credit. Severus had always like Aurora, she was clever and quick-witted, she had also been in Slytherin. Her family didn't take sides which in the end saved her life, unlike poor Charity.

"Oh, thank you, Professor."

"You demonstrated applied knowledge. It's something I see so little of from first years, you deserve the points. Now, you have three and a half more to locate, carry on."

"Yes, ma'am." Severus replied, a small smirk playing on his lips. He recalled her often complaining about teaching anyone below a fifth year, much as he had. It can be irritating when forced to teach individuals who have no real interest in the subject.

"Here Sev," Lily said, turning the telescope to her Ravenclaw friend, "Your turn."

Severus took the telescope and located both the rest of Taurus as well as Gemini before allowing Lily to locate the last two.

XXX

Severus had another nightmare. It was about Fabian and Gideon Prewett, Molly Weasley's brothers...there were five Death Eaters closing in on them. They were outnumbered and alone. Two he recognized immediately, Dolohov and Bellatrix, the others had their hoods up and their faces were out of view. What was incredibly strange about the dream was that unlike other nightmares he had over the years, this particular incident he had not personally been at. In truth, he wasn't even sure if he had been marked at that point if he had it would have been early on.

So why was he having dreams about events he never experienced? Had someone shown him the memory and he just didn't recall offhand when it happened or by whom or perhaps his mind simply manufactured it from stories he had heard. No matter the reason, it made him nervous. It seemed much like his usual nightmares that haunted him from his past, which were always so real so vivid… compared to regular dreams, which he rarely had and never made much sense and were always jumbled and out of sequence.

It was a quarter past five when he woke from the confusing slumber induced vision and in so saw no point in going back to sleep.

XXX

**A/N: I hope you're enjoying the story. I've been mulling it around in my head for a while now, I thought I would go ahead and start writing. **


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